A little while ago I did a guest post for my wife’s blog, What Hannah Did Next. For those of you who haven’t seen it you can check it out here (thank you to those of you who liked, commented and shared). I have decided to do a follow on from this post which is loosely related.
When Hannah and myself first got together we pretty much knew straight away what we both wanted.
I remember when I first saw Hannah I said to my friend at the time that I knew she would be the girl I would up marrying. Fast forward 10 years and we have been married for over 8 years now and have 3 amazing children, 2 boys and a girl.
It could have been a massively different outcome though as when we first together it was only supposed to temporary.
Let me explain…
Hannah is a nurse and has been for years, but when we first got together she had near enough accepted a nursing position in Australia. We got together in June 2006 but she was due to leave for Australia in the October of the same year.
So we both agreed that whatever our thing was that it would be just that, a thing… We said we would have an amazing 5 months together but then at the end of it we would shake hands and say see you later.
I want to say that it had the ending from a movie, you know the one where you say goodbye, then you realise that you just can’t live without that person so you wait until they get to the security checks before dashing through the airport to declare that you couldn’t live without that person in your life!
It didn’t have that sort of ending, but it was a happy one, we clicked and we worked so well together and we both agreed that it would be stupid to throw away what we had for something that she was already in two minds about.
Fast forward a few years and we were sat talking the other day about the last time we actually had some quality time together without children or being pregnant. Just going out for a drink, for dinner or even just popping to the shops together… ALONE…The answer was two and a half years.
When you don’t even have the possibility to do the things you would have done when it was just the two of you, this obviously includes sex.
As parents your whole day is spent either at work or for stay at home parents its looking after your kids, and for those who do work, you get home after a busy day and spend time with your kids. Don’t get me wrong, I am painting this out to be bad but it isn’t. What is bad though is having the sorts of kids who see sleep as the devil.
This presents a problem, as it gets in the way of doing all of the things throughout the day you told yourself you could do when the kids are asleep, but what happens when your kids don’t like sleep!
If you aren’t able to even carry out the most basic of tasks in the evening what hope do you have to have any intimate time together as a couple.
As a man I love shaking the sheets, but what makes it worse is the fact that I get to see Hannah naked everyday, knowing that an opportunity 99% of the time won’t materialise.
I wouldn’t class us as a 50 shades sort of couple, but for me, being intimate with Hannah is very important. Obviously I like sex but the thing I love the most about it is the closeness it brings which gets heightened the longer it is between those times.
Nowadays, sex has become planned, you almost have a window of opportunity to take it otherwise it will be at least another 24 hours before that opportunity arrises again and its usually between the hours of 10.30pm – midnight, which is always the worst, when you have had a long day.
So you carefully plan it, the moment you hear snoring is your window to dash into the shower, get into bed, turn the lights off for fear of waking any child that may see a light on, do some naked wrestling and then go to sleep. It just turns into another item to add to your list of things to do for that day.
Once upon a time I would have classed this as vanilla sex, it’s nice, it satisfies a craving but it always leaves you wanting something a bit more Wow.
But now I crave that time between 10.30pm – midnight, as I know that providing the kids haven’t been to full on, too demanding, too much for that day, that I could end that day the best way possible. We might not have the ability to have another date night any time soon, but we still have our windows of opportunities.
I now no longer see the carefully planned out night of vanilla love making as just nice, what was just nice once upon a time has turned into raspberry ripple sex as I Iike to call it…You have hints of just nice but the overall flavour is something much more satisfying.
What was once just ordinary, plane, nice sex, has now turned into satisfying the cravings of being intimate with my wife, getting that close feeling that bonds us so well. I function at my best when I feel content, loved and untouchable, I have those feelings when I feel as close to Hannah as I possibly can. For me being intimate with Hannah is the best way of expressing and achieving this.