I love Hannah more than anything in the world, apart from my kids obviously… But there was a time when I honestly wasn’t sure that we would go the distance together. It’s the same feeling that a lot of dads get after the birth of their child and something which is rarely publicised apart from in dad circles.
I’m probably going against the ‘guy code’ by writing this but I don’t care, it’s something I feel I need to get off my chest.
It hit me the worst with our first born as no one had ever warned me this could or would happen, so it shocked me a lot. The first thing to happen was feeling like I was just in the way, and for a little while feeling like Hannah and me had lost the connection that makes us so strong as a couple.
I think it’s a mixture of emotions that causes this, lack of sleep, that real bad tired feeling and on the woman’s part, hormones. Not acting all hormonal, before you start judging me, but all of a sudden, overnight, the woman has gone from carrying around a baby for 9 months and then suddenly it’s not there any more and this is bound to take it’s toll on her body.
And putting your feelings before anything else just doesn’t stack up…
Then the big thing happens, your girlfriend/wife doesn’t feel like sex straight away. This is the hardest part. As a man nothing has changed apart from all of a sudden you now have a baby, but for the woman her body has just gone through all kinds of hell and huge changes.
Whether you are unfortunate enough to have suffered tearing, or excessive bleeding, or shoddy stitch up work, whatever your birth story, for most women it’s incredibly difficult and fortunately for us blokes, something we never have to actually go through ourselves.
So it’s no great surprise, that most women aren’t jumping at the chance to get straight back into the sack with you!
If you were one of the lucky ones whose partner got that special increased horny feeling throughout pregnancy, then congratulations…. 1 out of 3 for me wasn’t bad!
This also makes it worse straight after the birth as the man is treated to sex on tap if their partner had that feeling, then suddenly they aren’t interested… So what am I supposed to do now?!
This time is hard, but know that it won’t last forever. Being there for your partner, supporting her, showing her you care, this will all help to build that physical relationship back to where it was.
Chances are the sex will be different after child birth, things might feel different to how they did, your partner might react differently. From a man’s perspective, the key is practice makes perfect to get back to how you were, but I am sure you women wouldn’t agree 😉
I have known a few people who have left their partners a few weeks or months after giving birth.
During our first pregnancy, I thought this was happening to us, but luckily it didn’t. It is extremely hard in the early days and the lack of affection was probably one of the hardest parts of the whole child birth process.
But it’s in this moment that I put myself in Hannah’s shoes. What if I had been the one to carry a baby for 9 months, have all my organs packed like a tin of sardines and then expelled a baby out of my uterus? Would I be itching to have someone prodding something back inside me? Probably not!
I was very open with Hannah, we talked about it, I explained what I was feeling, and we kept talking about it. I kept telling her how I was feeling. Not in a ‘will you please just put out already‘ way, but because I wanted us to be on the same page. She explained that things wouldn’t always be like this and that she needed time.
That is completely fair, who I am to rush her into anything when I have no idea what toll it takes on your body!
Straight after child birth is hard, for both of you and for different reasons, but the age old ‘talking helps’ does honestly work. Make sure you are on the same page otherwise things might have a shitty outcome.
And the main thing is for guys, please don’t rush it, it’s better to have sex that you both enjoy rather than having sex where your partner is uncomfortable and sometimes in pain, but she wants to make you happy, so she does it anyway.
It does get better, but at the time it definitely doesn’t feel like it ever will.
Then comes the worst part once things do get back to normal…You finally get back that physical relationship you once had, but your kids have other ideas for actually letting you enjoy it!